so let's talk penis.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You took a bar mat shot.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
