She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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