Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
