just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
