I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
