Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
