She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Come on in and take your pants off
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