escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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