i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just had sex on a roof
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
