if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize