We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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