and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When are your genitals available?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
