Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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