I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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