I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
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Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"