So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
