the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We were destined to go to rehab together
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.