My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
