Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Randomize
