is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...