Texts From Last Night

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  (334): View more from Alabama

  nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.

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  (334): nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder. http://tfl.nu/fuyv
  Replies (20) Good night (621) Bad night (5428)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..

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  (614): good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut. (740): i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck.. http://tfl.nu/ltlc
  Replies (37) Good night (5276) Bad night (1146)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.

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  (806): Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks. http://tfl.nu/pxy6
  Replies (24) Good night (1650) Bad night (4549)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  ... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?

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  (480): ... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen? http://tfl.nu/sppe
  Replies (17) Good night (3496) Bad night (1504)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.

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  (705): You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed. http://tfl.nu/gl5z
  Replies (12) Good night (4330) Bad night (897)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.

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  (727): don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday. http://tfl.nu/jjm9
  Replies (7) Good night (1913) Bad night (696)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409

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  (501): And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409 http://tfl.nu/uewi
  Replies (4) Good night (557) Bad night (1208)
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  (916): View more from California

  My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.

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  (916): My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher. http://tfl.nu/1p6a
  Replies (2) Good night (1369) Bad night (1156)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..

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  (303): I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed.. http://tfl.nu/ghfh
  Replies (14) Good night (615) Bad night (2762)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.

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  (914): Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition. http://tfl.nu/iv4o
  Replies (20) Good night (2759) Bad night (759)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.

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  (208): That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality. http://tfl.nu/t1cp
  Replies (9) Good night (1037) Bad night (542)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.

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  (703): But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face. http://tfl.nu/3za0
  Replies (4) Good night (904) Bad night (534)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off

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  (701): New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off http://tfl.nu/w6xr
  Replies (1) Good night (344) Bad night (632)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not

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  (912): I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not http://tfl.nu/o8dj
  Replies (5) Good night (543) Bad night (298)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.

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  (256): My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted. http://tfl.nu/wkzb
  Replies (0) Good night (807) Bad night (211)

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