You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.