peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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