I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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