dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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