oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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