I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
