OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
