I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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