haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
