Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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