Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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