Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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