So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
