oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
