babies were throwing up all over the place
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
