I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize