I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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