So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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