The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wear drunk well.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
