Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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