Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
