Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
