Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
