No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
