Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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