it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
