it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
