I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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