Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
