I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
should my penis look like a turkey
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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