My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
