I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
