it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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