My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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