Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
