You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize