I wish I could teleport
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
