OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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