You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
