No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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