I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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