I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
