So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
