They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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