just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
