I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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