Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
