I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
