She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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