about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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