my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
