I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
