would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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