we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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