is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's always time for handjobs
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
