the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
