are you still at the devil's house?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
that is very illegal...i love you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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