Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
