The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
