I cannot find my penis.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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