i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
