She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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