the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
