i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
