We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
