Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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