nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
